Saturday, June 28, 2008

Betty Blue (Housing Crunch, Pt 2)

Well, this is what happened: the post was flagged and removed, presumably by "betty," the dainty lass who sent me the following e-mail....

From: xxxx betty (
Sent: Fri 6/27/08 1:29 AM

you are the worst human being ever, what kind of pervert are you, motherfucker, take off that irritating post, asshole

Wow! What fire and passion! I sent her this reply:

Dear Betty,

Thank you for your inquiry. Your bad grammar and salty language aside, I think you might be an ideal candidate. You've got spunk, and that goes a long way in today's job market. Please forward me a list of references and fill out the attached questionnaire.

I'll get back to you as soon as possible. As far as I'm concerned, you're at the top of the list!

Anwar Dasani


1) If I could be any animal in the world, I would be__________. Please elaborate.

2) My favorite all-purpose cleaner is…
a) Formula 409
b) Fantastik
c) Green Works
d) “good old soap n water”

3) You are in a room, all alone. There are no windows. In one corner of the room is a phone with a rotary dial. In another corner is a pink stuffed bunny rabbit. A man dressed in mechanic’s overalls enters the room with a tray of crackers. His name tag reads “Benson.” What country are you in? What clues lead you to your answer?

4) My favorite shoes are __________. Please elaborate.

5) When scrubbing a bathtub, I
always__________, but I never _________.

6) I have allergies to latex (circle one): yes no

7) When engaged in an argument that has gone on too long I usually….
a) keep fighting to the end
b) try to find a “happy medium” and end things amicably
c) concede just to end the darn thing
d) resort to swordplay

8) Before going to bed I usually__________. Please elaborate.

9) While walking along a lone highway in the middle of the desert, you notice a turtle lying upside down on the side of the road. It’s struggling to right itself. Which of the following are you most likely to do?
a) flip the turtle over
b) speak to the turtle encouragingly
c) point and laugh at the turtle
d) call animal rescue

10) I consider myself a fun person with a solid sense of humor (circle one): yes no

Let's see what happens, shall we?

Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Housing Crunch

The Chipmunk sent me this craigslist ad today:

Free Rent for a submissive girl in need (Williamsburg)

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: 2008-06-26, 5:20PM EDT

Ok I know what I have to offer isn't for everyone and for this I am sorry but what I am offering is for a submissive girl who is just tired of paying rent. I have a big loft in Williamsburg and I have a room available. Now I work all the time and am out of town allot so I have no time to find a girlfriend nor do I want one. What I am looking for is a playful submissive that will exchange her generosity for rent. So if you need to catch up, save money, or just tired of paying rent drop me a line.

What a great idea! So I whipped up my own:

Free Rent for Submissive Girl with Windex Skills (Prospect Heights)

Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: 2008-06-26, 6:14PM EDT

I make no apologies for what I'm offering: a free room in Brooklyn for a submissive girl who is just tired of paying rent. I have a two bedroom in Prospect Heights and one room available. I'm a freelancer and work long days, so I have no time to find a girlfriend nor do I want one. What I am looking for is a playful submissive that will exchange her generosity (and light cleaning skills) for rent. This is a great way to save money, and I can't imagine any girl that wouldn't want to do it. No strings attached here.

The apartment is large and in a good neighborhood close to three different subways. Laundry in the building. Air conditioned.

You will be screened by me and the girl I am currently dating. She does not live with me, but stays over occasionally. We are close. She is aware of this arrangement and approves of it unreservedly. She does not have to be involved in anything other than the screening process if you so wish, but all avenues remain open at this time.

Let's see what happens, shall we?